This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Small penises have feelings too.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
