im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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