I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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