Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
