when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
