I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
