you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
