Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
