party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
