just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
