After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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