I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
