we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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