This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
