i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
