take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize