i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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