Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
