Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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