Sponge bath it is.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize