listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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