Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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