My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just invented taco cereal.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
