You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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