i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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