i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
