so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
