Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You smell like stripper and shame
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
