I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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