I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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