i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
