I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
