these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
