We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
