haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
