You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
