I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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