Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Someone shit on the floor
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is the high leading the old right now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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