I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
