I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize