the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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