He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
