i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize