i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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