If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
