I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize