I'm going to jail i love you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
