im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
