He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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