I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
