so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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