Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
