i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
