its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
