too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
