im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize