Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
