if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
