I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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