eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
