I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
