I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
