I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My pussy is not your playground.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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