yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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