Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want a musical about memes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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