Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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