ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
