I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
