When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize