Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
