I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
