Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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