big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
