i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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