Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
