I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
