I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize