I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
