I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize