2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
