do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
