I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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