so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
