If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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