saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize