She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I need water and some morals
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
