i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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