The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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