well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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