Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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