just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
