her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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