I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
