so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
