you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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