Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
