College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
