My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
