I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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