Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
