please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
