It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
