Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
