How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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