god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
